Gratitude & Thankfulness; Loving Life As Is

    I used to journal addressing Heavenly Father, just about for everything I considered important as a youth and more so as an adult, raising a family.  I tried and still do try to remain in God's plans because he's blessed me with a loving family.  But it is true as my Godmother has said to me, "cuando no nos quieren no nos quieren" and I know what she was referring to my spouse displaying his indifference towards us.  She wasn't saying it because she didn't love me, on the contrary, she was mentioning my spouse.  It's like reading between the lines.

    I clearly remember now, on that November day, when my husband text messages me a picture of my journal where I wrote "Dear Heavenly Father," dated 2017.  It was how I cope with life challenges and discoveries, it was how I address my love for my family with the Lord.  I can almost say my spouse was jealous or even envied the Lord because I set him in my heart as my Lord and King, from the very beginning.  When I was little I fantasized about my perfect mate and I described him to my family as a child.  I knew he would have light blue/green colored eyes and he was going to either be a physician or surgeon.  He's got baby blue eyes and can alter into green when he wears green and although he's not quite the PA I once wanted for him to become, he is still involved in the medical field as a nurse.  

    When I was a child I had a dream of marrying a military man, touring across the country with him, and living a military patriotic lifestyle.  I had also another dream, the desire to uplift the name of Jesus Christ on High in Hollywood, Calif.. but looks like God has greater plans.  Not only does he want us to uplift the name of Jesus Christ on High through our celebrities, He wants his word to be proclaimed to the ends of the world. 

    Of course, the opportunity arose when I met and fell in love with my spouse (boyfriend at the time then) and I was sure this was from God.  Shortly,  he was there just waiting for me to show up in my Nissan Pulsar, and shortly after I prayed about us getting married.  Sure my mother didn't want me to marry at the age of 19 but I was already deeply in love and wanted to spend the rest of my life with him.  He instantly became my best friend.  It wasn't love at first sight but it was love at first heart-to-heart conversation.  There he was sitting on the floor discussing his pain and I just couldn't let him cry on his own.  And he enjoyed spending time with me as I would do my makeup. 

    Day by day, moment by moment, thought by thought, and choice made is how one constructs one's own MIND CRAFT[ED] world.  I miss my family so much, especially my three precious souls which are my greatest motivation as a mother here on earth.  They keep me hopeful, they give me daily strength and courage to arise every and each rising sun within each and every morning.  Better it be morning and not mourning.  Thank you. 

    I couldn't and I could never compare anyone to 'anything' because were all EVERYTHING.  We are each independently and collectively wonderfully made, most will agree each is uniquely made with our own set of DNA (genetic composition and contributors) parents.  I have prayed for the Lord to reveal himself to me not just in the spirit but in the flesh, because if my spouse and I are no longer together in harmony as one God (husband and wife) because of transgression associated with sinful nature (matter of the flesh), therefore our divorce is pending as an evident result of irreconcilable differences, then in the final stages of the dissolution of our sacred marriage stands under the Law of the Land and in accordance to the law of Moses and God as written in our hearts and minds found in The Holy Bible & in The Book of Mormon. 

    I remain thankful that I am not in the desert without resources and left with my own fate, alone.  Thanks to the privilege and protection in the U.S. Constitution my rights are being honored and taken into account.  Together we have fought long and hard for the miracle of an amicable dissolution of my marriage.  What is amicable? In keeping life civil and functional when life has become unprecedented and unbearable for one, to the point that one seeks effortlessly without ceasing direct relief.  

    It is important for both parties, the visionary and the banal, to calibrate into right standing for it is written to whom much is given much is expected.  We live in a time where life and expectations are just as important as the promise made to be kept.

    Justice is a gift, I inherited this gift as a result of being adopted into this country by God.  A sacred gift well received and well-respected, thanks to the Declaration of Independence, this gift is not transferrable it is solely mine for it is a gift paid forward by my parents in which I trust.  I don't know what else to say other than to admit that I love God, and I know he loves and loved me first, a Spirit which I am sealed to and  I know it to be true.  The Bible tells me so.  My heart and mind cry out to him with the same desperate need for relief as above.

    It is written you cannot serve two masters you will love one and hate the other.  I know I am in God's Kingdom, I am in God's divine living will.  A divorce is not the final destination, it is a process underway for God's plans to be fulfilled in my life.. going from Glory to Glory in Exaltation, thanks to our Lord Jesus Christ, my redeemer.